Sleeping Suicide 2
by PPP SSC
Summary: Stefan gets a little jealous of Ike's situation. Direct sequal to Sleeping Suicide. IkeXSoren, onesided StefanXSoren. WARNING: Contains sexual themes and minor swearing. And spoilers!


Disclaimer: I STILL don't own these guys.

(Just imagine all the stuff from the waist up, please)

**Dear Log,**

**There is no way he's going to like me. After all the only thing I have going for me is that I'm attractive but it's obvious that he likes IKE better. And why not? Ike and I are two completely different people because he's better than I am. I just know it.**

**If I am to woo him, I need to get closer to him. But I can't do that with Ike in the way. In fact, I need a great plan worthy of even letting an experienced tactician fall for me. I am, however, displeased to say that I am an honest man and sabotaging his relationship with Ike is utterly out of the question.**

**Write you on the morrow,**

**Stefan**

Stefan neatly tucked his log away inside his bookshelf. It had been a couple of months since Soren's near-death-while-asleep ritual that baffled and frightened Stefan to no end. Soren has not stopped sleeping in Ike's bed because he was too afraid it might happen again. Stefan and Soren internally were not that different. They both had extremely enhanced beorc brains and extremely enhanced laguz spirits. This was good because they were able to be geniuses, but bad because they could easily give in to their own desires.

Thus, just as Soren was capable of slitting his wrist and choking himself in his sleep, Stefan feared he was capable of doing something… perhaps something dirty.

He did want to be with Soren. In fact, since Soren and Ike have been sleeping in the same bed, Stefan has been having dreams where he replaced Ike in Soren's arms… and they were both naked. He did not want to be that forward but he knew what passion was all about.

Stefan looked around and went to sleep. Guess what? The dream that I have described went through his mind again, and he got up. He walked over to Ike's bed and said, "Ike, you little thief. You take what you know is rightfully mine." He picked up Soren and carried him back to the bedroom in which Stefan slept. In a moment of impulse, he tore off Soren's night robes and this sudden action caused Soren to wake up. He looked down at himself, shrieked, and hid in the comforter atop Stefan's bed.

"Now, Soren," Stefan said, "You know you think I'm a handsome devil!"

"Devil is right!" Soren said bluntly, "I can't believe you did that to me!"

Soren screamed at the top of his petite lungs. "Help me! Stefan's acting like a homosexual Gatrie!"

"I heard that!" a deep voice said from another room.

Upon hearing this commotion, Ike rushed over and glared furiously at Stefan. He handed Soren a towel and said, "Use this as cover. I'll get you back to bed."

Soren blushed harshly. He knew that Ike was always there to protect him, even from Stefan. Stefan looked at Ike carrying Soren back to his bed. _Selfish little beorc, _he thought to himself, _but soon enough Soren will realize you're only using him and come crawling to me._

Stefan felt the urge to expose Ike for something Soren would disapprove of. But how could he do that when Ike was so perfect? He narrowed his eyes at Ike and said, "Come on. Mess up!"

Ike went over and started talking to Titania. The paladin was crying for some reason. Ike put his hand on her shoulder and said, "It's alright. It won't last forever."

"I blame myself for this. I wasn't responsible enough," she wept.

"No, it's not your fault. Some men are just weak," Ike said.

"MY MAN IS NOT WEAK!" Titania shouted.

Now you see Stefan interpreted this conversation as:

Ike: It's alright. You won't be pregnant forever.

Titania: You made me pregnant!

Ike: I made you pregnant so you hate me!

Titania: I don't hate you because if I said I did you would kill me.

Stefan said, "Aha! I'm going to tell Soren all about this and he will dump Ike like a moldy piece of havarti cheese."

Soren was quietly reading a book to himself when Stefan opened the door forcefully. Soren gasped and stood paralyzed in front of Stefan (as he was still afraid he would molest him).

Stefan attempted to slap Soren but held back. After all, Soren was very fragile and Stefan was quite strong. He just shook him a little.

Soren practically blacked out. "Oh my goodness, did I harm you?" Stefan asked worriedly.

Soren said, "Don't ever touch me again!" He crossed his arms and turned his head.

Stefan told Soren to relax and started rubbing his shoulders. Soren was really annoyed. He looked back at Stefan and said, "Just because my anatomy is diminutive doesn't mean you're allowed to ignore my words."

"But I have some dirt on Ike that will make you detest him," Stefan told Soren.

"What?" Soren asked with terror in his eyes, "What is it!" He gripped Stefan's collar in his scrawny hands and pushed his soles up against Stefan's abdomen.

At this time tears were exploding out of Soren's eyes at such a high rate that Stefan had to take out an umbrella (colored chartreuse with bright lemon diamonds), which he had the foresight to bring.

"Well, Ike made Titania pregnant," Stefan said.

"No way!" Soren accused, "You're lying to me!"

Stefan challenged Soren, "Ask her yourself."

"All right. And when she answers negatively I'll annihilate you."

"Ooh… you'll annihilate me! Remember Soren, I could easily break you like a toothpick if I wanted to." Stefan threatened.

Soren was horrified. He ran away as quickly as possible.

"Well, that went well. Soren's going to drop Ike off the love cliff."

Soren asked Titania, "So, how's the baby?"

Titania, Soren realized, would act fairly nervous if she was pregnant. She said calmly yet confusedly, "What baby?"

Soren whispered to Titania, "Stefan told me that Ike made you pregnant."

Titania asked why. Soren shrugged. Titania lifted Soren up and said, "You probably were scared to death. Well, don't worry because Ike didn't make me pregnant. He's completely loyal to you… he wouldn't do something like that without telling you first." She dropped him gently on Ike's bed.

Soren was surprised that Titania was so kind to him. After all, she usually scolded him for being rude. Perhaps Ike had spilled the beans of his past? Soren gasped and rushed over to find Ike.

The moment he did he latched onto Ike's chest. "Whoa, Soren, are you okay?" Ike asked.

"Did you tell Titania what I told you?" Soren asked, apparently freaked out.

Ike admitted, "Yes I did. I had no choice. She was talking you down like there was no tomorrow. Knowing the specifics of your past caused me to feel a strong sense of guilt when listening to her speaking of you so cruelly. I made her promise not to tell anyone else though."

"Ike," Soren cried, "How could you? She might have reacted positively, but there was no telling she would have! Ike… I don't know if you're really as sincere a friend as I thought."

"Well, I had the choice of letting you get hurt or making it a possibility that you might get hurt—I honestly thought the second one sounded better. I was only trying to preserve your feelings!" Ike insisted. He knew that as soon as Soren stopped being his friend, Soren would be totally lost again and would probably repeat the sleeping suicide incident. Just the thought of this caused him to cry.

"And you probably went ahead and told Lethe that I'm Branded too, didn't you?" Soren accused arbitrarily.

"No!" Ike exclaimed, "I don't _resent _you!"

"Well, then," Soren said, "Prove it." Ike kissed Soren on the lips. Soren's face grew a smile, the biggest smile Soren ever made.

"Pinch me," Soren said, lovesick.

"No," Ike joked, "I wouldn't want to bruise you."

Stefan jumped into the room and said, "I have a reason why these two cannot be wed!"

Ike laughed hysterically because Stefan wasn't wearing any pants. Soren collapsed into his arms, but Ike was laughing so hard that he accidentally dropped Soren's motionless body on the floor. Stefan shrieked, "Perfect!" and stood directly over Soren's chest. Ike quickly put some pants on Stefan and pushed him out of the room. Then he picked Soren up and carried him to a Stefan-free area of the fort. When Soren woke up he asked Ike what had happened. Ike responded with a lingering kiss followed by a simple, "Let's just say… you don't want to know."

Stefan gave up and said, "Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do. Hey, Mor—"

A raspy voice said from another room, "No."

"Oh, to hell with that!" Stefan cursed.

Five distinct giggles were heard.

**Dear Log,**

**Well, it's like I said. Ike is perfect. Soren will never ever like me. I know this because he gets freaked out when I turn on. Oh, pessimists. I'll never understand them. I suppose that I could find another decent man somewhere in the Grann Desert- I mean, how much do I really know about Soren?**

**Write you on the morrow,**

**Stefan**


End file.
